Feeling suicidal

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Feeling suicidal

Post by amongstheliving on Thu Apr 03, 2014 3:53 pm

Post here if you are feeling like nothing in the world matters, or if you are somehow worthless. We are all here to help and add our input to your situation, and many of us have gone through something similar.
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amongstheliving

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Re: Feeling suicidal

Post by annushka-the-plague on Tue Apr 08, 2014 9:12 am

For me, I feel like I want to continue, but that I just can't. Like my energy is just gone, and I can't carry on any more. I just want to opt out sometimes. It's a really scary feeling, especially when I'm alone.
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Re: Feeling suicidal

Post by amongstheliving on Tue Apr 08, 2014 12:40 pm

I've had that feeling.... where you are completely drained and you don't know why you still wake up.

The good news is that it can end. Instead of wanting to die, I now want to live, go out, experience things. Don't give up hope, don't stop trying. When you get to a better place, you will be proud of what you've done when you felt this way
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Re: Feeling suicidal

Post by annushka-the-plague on Tue Apr 08, 2014 1:24 pm

Smile

I look forward to getting there someday. It's the only thing that keeps me going sometimes.
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Re: Feeling suicidal

Post by Admin on Tue Apr 08, 2014 1:28 pm

I've been there recently also. I go up and down a lot. When I'm down, I just cant think of any reason to keep going. When I'm up, I can't understand why I had those thoughts at all. On low times, I drink a lot of coffee to take some edge off. I also look forward to the days I'll get to see certain people.
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Re: Feeling suicidal

Post by annushka-the-plague on Tue Apr 08, 2014 1:31 pm

What mainly stops me from doing anything is the though of what this would do to my loved ones. I'm also quite squeamish and repulsed by the physical side of committing suicide. But I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place sometimes. It feels exhausting and unbearable to live, but I can't die.
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Re: Feeling suicidal

Post by Admin on Tue Apr 08, 2014 1:55 pm

I have a bottle of mixed meds that I had saved for it. I know what each one does and if I took all of them with alcohol, game over. Knowing I would hurt my brother and mom also prevents me
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Re: Feeling suicidal

Post by amongstheliving on Tue Apr 08, 2014 2:16 pm

Sal Sad bro, I'd take those pills from you and chuck them in the trash. Both of you guys have good hearts... no use in wasting them!
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Re: Feeling suicidal

Post by Admin on Tue Apr 08, 2014 2:39 pm

I know its bad to have them lying around. Most times its just hard to shake the feeling that I might need them. Its like having a backup plan for if shit hits the fan. On days where I feel great, I dont even consider it or remember they're there
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Re: Feeling suicidal

Post by MangoFreak on Tue Apr 08, 2014 4:01 pm

annushka-the-plague wrote:For me, I feel like I want to continue, but that I just can't. Like my energy is just gone, and I can't carry on any more. I just want to opt out sometimes. It's a really scary feeling, especially when I'm alone.

When you cannot carry on, try and look toward someone to hold out a hand to pull you back up. I have a few dear friends that brought me back from the depths of despair with newfound energy and passion for life. If you don't feel you have anyone like that, feel free to send me a message and I'll give you my number.

It may also help to eat something you really enjoy too~

Admin wrote:I've been there recently also. I go up and down a lot. When I'm down, I just cant think of any reason to keep going. When I'm up, I can't understand why I had those thoughts at all. On low times, I drink a lot of coffee to take some edge off. I also look forward to the days I'll get to see certain people.

I slam down energy drinks myself haha. But I know what you mean by the up and down feeling pretty well. Just keep on keepin on.

I'm really sorry to hear you guys feel these feelings. Maybe a personal story will help.

I was not above that myself at one point in my life. I was broke, newly single, had no a job, had to leave school after racking up a decent amount of student debt, little money and had to stay with my mom because I had nowhere else to go. Or in other words, I hit rock fucking bottom. I was scared of confrontation with people and I needed to find work or risk burning through what tiny savings I had left and be homeless. My family cared, but I knew they would not help me out for long.

Naturally, suicide was on my mind quite often. It didn't help that my ex had moved on incredibly fast and I was still stuck with a broken heart that only crumbled into tinier pieces daily. That pain was almost unbearable at times and I woke up crying in the middle of the night more than once. I had enough money for a gun or a drug overdose so I knew I could do it. I wanted to do it. I didn't want to wake up some days.

But somehow, through the worst and darkest moments of it all, I found that I didn't truly want any of that. I found myself trying despite all the pain and desire to give up. And you know what? I got a job within the month. I started to find self worth in myself. I traded that shitty job for a better one. I'm working my way toward doing what I love now.

In the face of death, I found passion to live.

I'm not saying those feelings are all gone. Some days still fucking suck and it lingers a bit. But if you keep on trying you will get past a good amount of it all and finally seize happiness. Honest.
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Re: Feeling suicidal

Post by Admin on Tue Apr 08, 2014 4:59 pm

Wow that story was inspiring. Seriously. Some days I just can't find the passion for holding onto life. The depression slowly started after I was broken up with/ cheated on also. It's really never even left my mind. My heart felt like it was torn out of my chest, and I still dwell on it a lot. Sometimes, I feel like there's no point if you go through it all alone.
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Re: Feeling suicidal

Post by annushka-the-plague on Tue Apr 08, 2014 9:43 pm

Mango your story broke my heart and uplifted me at the same time. It's a huge inspiration to know that you got your life back on track and are recovering from that dark place.

Admin, yes there is a point to holding on to your life. From what I've seen you say here to others, I can tell that you're a wonderful and special person. With your kind words, you've made a difference to me. I'm glad you're here to do that. I bet other people feel the same way. I bet you've touched lives without even realizing it. You are good and kind.
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Re: Feeling suicidal

Post by Admin on Tue Apr 08, 2014 9:44 pm

The fact that just talking to you online has helped makes me the happiest I've been in weeks. I'm happy to have made even a small difference.
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Re: Feeling suicidal

Post by amongstheliving on Wed Apr 09, 2014 12:26 pm

I had a passing thought while walking to class that it would be nice to kill myself yesterday. I don't know where it came from. Sometimes I just get tired of doing the same things over and over... work, school, a few hours of sleep, repeat. I decided recently that I want to be an ER doctor, but I don't think I could handle the stress from school. School depresses me... it's like a chore
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Re: Feeling suicidal

Post by annushka-the-plague on Thu Apr 10, 2014 8:19 am

I feel that way too sometimes. This sums it up well for me:

Inscription for the Ceiling of a Bedroom

Daily dawns another day;
I must up, to make my way.
Though I dress and drink and eat,
Move my fingers and my feet,
Learn a little, here and there,
Weep and laugh and sweat and swear,
Hear a song, or watch a stage,
Leave some words upon a page,
Claim a foe, or hail a friend-
Bed awaits me at the end.

Though I go in pride and strength,
I'll come back to bed at length.
Though I walk in blinded woe,
Back to bed I'm bound to go.
High my heart, or bowed my head,
All my days but lead to bed.
Up, and out, and on; and then
Ever back to bed again,
Summer, Winter, Spring, and Fall-
I'm a fool to rise at all!

Dorothy Parker
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annushka-the-plague

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Re: Feeling suicidal

Post by Admin on Thu Apr 10, 2014 9:03 am

Hey amt, those thoughts happen a lot. Its when you get mastery over shoving the thoughts out that you'll get to grow out of it. That's what im working on. And a world without you and your dbz humor would be a sad place.
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Re: Feeling suicidal

Post by amongstheliving on Thu Apr 10, 2014 1:08 pm

Thanks guys Smile

You are very sweet, Sal, but I think you secretly just want my dbz stuff Wink
I will send you a pic of my colored manga right now!! Surprised
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Re: Feeling suicidal

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